I told everyone I would post a picture of my new hair, so here it is!
Sorry for the awful webcam quality, it’s all I could be bothered with right now. I curled it today, haphazardly. I need to learn some more styles, mostly so I can start doing tutorials.
Which I need to do anyway. Because, yeah. I haven’t been.
I have finals next week, and then I get to go home! So expect something next weekend. Something big. Something actually non-boring and non-life-ish.
Finally! I won’t have a picture until tomorrow, but oh my gosh you guys:
I have hair.
Really. A lot of it. Well, debatably. It’s thin- as it’s always been- but it goes down to my waist when it’s on my back. I’m not used to having hair. I’m in a big cloud of helpwhatdoidowithallthis right now. I washed it. So far so good.
I’ll post a picture tomorrow, when it’s dry and styled. As styled as I’m capable of, anyway. Also, I’ll have a review of my epilator which arrived in the mail a few days ago. Super stoked!
I know I said it would happen already, I know. However, I’ve been so swamped with studying for finals and combing out my hair that I haven’t gotten any time to film or take photographs or anything that I’ve been meaning to do for this blog! Sometimes, life just gets in the way. However, now that I’m a hairy beast, I think it would be fun to start not only doing hair tutorials, but also start making accessories, too!
Thanks to the black hole of timeless despair that I browse on- you may know it as Pinterest- I’ve been feeling inspired. Really, really inspired. Dangerously so.
So, expect some new fun things beginning the 15th when I start break!
So, I spent the last few days slowly picking out the ends of my dreads with a metal rattail comb.
My head hurts, my arms hurt, everything is sore, and I only have a few out. Four? Five? Who knows. All I know is that next time, I’m shaving my head. While it’s definitely possible to remove dreads, it’s hard work.
Keep in mind that I still have 7/8 of my hair left to comb out. My goal is to get it done by next weekend, when I go home. We’ll see.
In case you as readers didn’t know, I have had dreadlocks for about a year now. They’ve been with me for a good majority of my senior year in highschool, as well as the entire summer of 2012, and some of my time in university. They mean a lot to me, both spiritually and emotionally. They have taken quite a while to form and look like actual locs, and in the time that they were forming, I became very attached to them. I love them. They’re a part of me, and they symbolize all the things I’ve been through in the past year. They are my hopes, they are my hopelessness, they are symbolic of my patience and my willingness for change and acceptance.
And I’m combing them out.
Sounds crazy, right? Trust me, I know it does. I love having dreadlocks. I love how they look, I love how they feel. I love washing my hair and having their ropey bodies brush against my back. I love the feeling of them when I wake up in the morning. I love the questions people ask me about them. I love having them. But I also know that as much as I love them, as much as they mean to me, there comes a time when I’ll have to move on.
When it comes down to it, my dreads have helped me through a lot of experiences. They’ve shown me what it’s like to be looked down upon by people who don’t agree with my choices. They’re the product of my rebellion against standard and mainstream ideas of beauty. I wear them proudly, and despite what some people will think and go so far as to tell me, I’m beautiful with or without them. They’re the result of my first adult decision that I’ve made by myself, even if my mom didn’t like it, even if my boyfriend or friends hadn’t approved of them. And from that, they’ve given me a small taste of who would be behind me in bigger decisions that I’ll have to make in life. My mom grew to love them, which I’m glad for. Not only have they helped me grow and realize who I am as a person, but they also changed a grown woman’s mind, and helped demonstrate diversity in the way people look and have made her more accepting and educated on a hairstyle that isn’t “dirty”, or “unprofessional” like some people have led her to believe.
However, in addition to all the good they have brought into my life, there are also negative issues that have been brought to my attention since I’ve made the choice to have them. Firstly, they’ve created a boundary between some people and myself. While it sounds crazy, the way people interact with me and approach me has changed drastically. People sometimes know me only as “the girl with dreads” or “that hippy-girl” or “neo-Marley”. There’s an RA in my hall with beautiful locs, and many people refer to him as such. While I understand it’s natural for people to use a certain characteristic to refer to someone, this goes deeper than that. People actually talk to me different, especially older adults and children. While children don’t know any better, it makes me uncomfortable when I’m at the grocery store and adults will stare at my hair, or when I go out to eat with my mom and elderly couples will whisper and point. I don’t like to be judged, especially on the basis of something so small as my hairstyle. I like to stand out, but not uncomfortably, and definitely not when I’m trying to live my life in a normal way doing normal things. This staring happens on a daily basis, and once in a while I get the “shouters”- people who will tell me “sick dreads!” or “WOW, are those dreads?!” While that attention is positive, it’s still interfering with my life, and can be very uncomfortable. Especially if I’m in a rush or I’m with someone special. It can get awkward.
In addition to outside feedback, I’ve also been feeling like having them has been holding me back in my life. Not only do others seem unable to look past my dreads and the stereotypes that come along with them, but by having them, I feel confined to feel and act certain ways. It sounds silly, I know. However, I feel as if I should be nature-loving, because I felt that way when I put my dreads in. I feel as if I shouldn’t wear certain clothing, because it doesn’t work well with the image my dreads portray. In fact, the way I feel and the way I’m sure my dreads project that I feel don’t seem the same to me at all. While I do love them, I’ve changed from who I was when I got them. And I feel like they don’t fit me anymore. When I look at them, while I still do think they’re beautiful, I don’t feel as connected to them anymore. I feel like they’re not “me”. And a women’s hair should compliment how she feels inside her heart. “A women’s hair is her own canvas,” a person once told me. I agree with that. Whether I’m bald or I have waist-length mermaid hair, I want it to represent how I am, and correlate with how I’m feeling. Bald hair can represent bravery, and to me, that’s something so special. My body is my art; it’s a way of portraying my feelings without having to speak. Right now, my dreads aren’t using the right words.
You may think that this is a long, pointless post. And I respect that. However, for me, this was a bigger decision to make than just deciding to “change my hairstyle”. It’s changing a part of who I am, which is why I need to comb them out. I’m not the person I was when I put them in, and I’m looking for a change. It’s like a coming-of-age ceremony, and while I know it will be painful after I take them out, I also know that I need this transition- and maybe, someday, I’ll decide that dreadlocks are right for me again. If that day comes, I’ll put them back in. But I can’t do that right now. At the moment, I need to look forward, and I need to accept the changes in my life. Overdramatic? Maybe. But I felt like I needed to write this to address to not only you, the reader, but also to myself, that I’m not the same person I was a year ago. And I need to let the world know.
Pixie cut, that is!
As much as I love my gnarly wrinkly crazy dreadlocks, I have a clinically-proven case of “Hair ADD”. Seriously. It’s a thing.
And after a whole year of having evolving ropes of hair on my head, I’m itching for something new. Something innovative. Something different. Something gone.
This is what I’m working with now. Nuts, huh?
I’m considering something short, blonde, and piecey- that can still look soft and girly if I want it to.
Okay, I’m aware they’re not exactly “pixie cuts” in the normal sense, but I would need some serious bangs if I even want to consider going that short. Which I am considering. So, bangs it is!
What do you guys think? Short and blonde, or dreadlocks? Leave your opinions in the comments below!